meditative morning

Rainy autumn mornings, Joni Mitchell singing in my ear, stirring, creative thoughts, daring to share. Acting on impulses, I close my eyes and open my heart. Listen. Listen. What are you saying? A vision comes to me. Its light, the big beaming kind, coming straight from my center. It glows bright and I am at peace. Meditative. Flow. Love. Dare to be. Dare to shine. Tears, healing, whole.

Notice the feelings rise and fall. The ebb and flow. Must embrace the here and now. Sure, I have suppressed feelings. Wanting. Needing. Change. Love. I am not alone. This is a common thread so deeply wound tight within humanity. Stand up straight – eat your spinach – smile pretty – please me. Please me. Please, what about me.

This I know. I love art. I love to create. I love my life. I love. I do, love. My love overwhelms me. Filling. Then it spills. Overflowing. Is it my creator loving me? Is it the universe loving me? We are love. You. Me. Love. .. Feeling vulnerable. Is this why we hold back and allow a conscious norm to take hold? Balance. Mind. Body. Soul. Soul. Body. Mind. Balance.

Honesty. Rings truth. Impulses.. But, but, no. You are a good girl. What does that mean? Stand straight. Stand by your man. Be a mom. Get a real job. Education? Why? Be pretty. Feel pretty. Act pretty. Say please. Say thank you. Be grateful for what you have. Can I be impulsive too? No. That’s not who you are. You are the steady. You are the normal. You shouldn’t want to want more. Bricks. Mortar. Mortgages. Caregiver. Wife. Home. It’s who you are.

The wind picks up. A chill runs through. Here it comes. Hot tea. Ah… I am still creating. I am still learning. I am still in love. I am still searching. Perfection. Crazy. Maddening. Is this worthy? Am I worthy? Can it be so? Can I express emotion in my words? Needing approval. Is it good? Do you like me? Grateful to share.. my thoughts.. off the cuff.. right here, right now.. this is me.

L o v e is s h a r i n g . L o v e is c a r i n g. L o v e is v u l n e r a b l e. Stripped down to the raw. Explore the self. Explore sharing. Explore love. Explore. Dare to make mistakes. My soul is pretty. My soul is vulnerable. My soul is. This is me. Thank you. Please read me. Read yourself. Thank yourself. Words are great fun. Words are powerful. Eclectic. Riches. Enlightening.

Now, do I dare publish these words before my pragmatic brain tells me “NO! What will they think of you?” Throw caution to the wind! Publish! … “ok,” says she.

Grateful for my creator. This I know.

peace be with you.

~ Barb ~