Stirrings of a Home
I've been struggling with the questions and emotions inside my being of late. Such strong emotions overcome me, and all I can do is internalize my feelings as they swirl, dance, kick and strike at me. I do not want to share everything with my readers, and I won't. Some things must be kept sacred and within our own hearts. But, I do feel a great desire to share these images with you. This is not my usual "happy-to-share," conducive to big grins and celebrations of life. Although, full of life at one time, these images are void of such feelings and only reflect the remnants of a house that was once a thriving place. Within these walls, I can still hear the voices of yesterday. The footsteps that have tread in this home. The shouts. The laughter. The tears. The joys. The shared meals. The way a family fits together like puzzle pieces - only able to fully see the big picture once all the pieces are together. And, again, I cry.
How can a dwelling made of walls, brick, mortar, wood, stone have such an effect on me? How is it that I feel so deeply rooted here even though I never actually lived within these walls? Is it the stories that live within these walls that have been passed on? Or the love I feel for the people that once lived here? I am still working this out; still processing my thoughts and the answers to these questions that have built up in my mind.
This home has been in my mother's family since 1922. After the passing of my great Aunt Helen, we must prepare to say goodbye to it. It's time to let go. . . And, again, I cry.
My one hope that continues to burn in my heart is that a young family, or couple will purchase this house and love it, fix it, create in it, plant gardens and fill it with their own puzzle pieces. I want that more than anything for this great house. To be called 'home' … once again.
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Wonderful post Barb. You carry those memories, not the house. What a lovely house and I too hope a young family moves in and makes more memories to carry with them. Love you. Here's hoping for some peace to your beautiful soul.
ReplyDeleteBarb, as always..beautifully done! Very touching....
ReplyDeleteAn addendum to my comment. I'm reading a book (memoir) currently about a woman "finding herself" through her father's old photographs. Just this morning at 8am, after reading your blog at 4:30am, I read this passage and immediately thought of you.
ReplyDelete"Pictures will lead me back to my grandmother's house in my stories and memories. Like a box of mirrors, I want them to reveal every angle, every word that came out of this home. I worry that the bonds of history are not strong enough, not genuine enough, not loud enough to hold the singularity of the lives at 55 New Street. I worry each time I leave her house that ties can be broken forever with the passing of a matriarch. That something much bigger than this house ever was will be lost, and I won't know where to find it."
The author too was facing the loss of home that had been in her family for over 100 years. She is a beautiful writer, and hopefully those words bring comfort in that you're not alone with your thoughts.
Thank you for your warm, caring comments, Aileen and Margaret. It means so much to me. As my family and I go through boxes, trunks, drawers, and suitcases it's as though the history of our family is alive and well. The dots are being connected, yet there are still lingering questions that are left hanging in mid air, that will more than likely remain unanswered. But, the really meaningful part for me is that I am getting to know my family's history, and with each visit to go through more stuff, I seem to be falling in love with this history, wanting to know more, and precisely at the time when we must say farewell to our family's home. It feels undone somehow to me. I only wish that I could continue the legacy left behind - possibly through my own images. Coincidentally, I just found out that my great grandfather, Domenico was an avid photographer!! … My suggestion to anyone reading, viewing this post - get to know your own history before it's too late. Document, photograph, interview, do whatever it takes to learn as much as you can. It will make all the difference in the long run.
ReplyDeleteIt's funny, Barb... before I read your comment about your post, I was thinking that the memories of the house would live on through your images. I was also thinking about how wonderful that is. It's also wonderful that you are facing and expressing the feelings you are experiencing throughout this process. Many people tend to ignore them. I hope your voyage ends in peaceful contentment.:)
ReplyDeleteKeeping you in thought and prayer. Very well written, and from the heart. Best to you Barb
ReplyDelete